Acrylic Afternoons

"There's a storm coming," Beth said as she looked over the sand to the horizon. Black-headed gulls circled over rolling waves in the distance, where dark clouds were gathering.

"Really?" Evan raised himself to his elbows, the cheap striped sheet covering him sliding away, exposing the top half of his naked torso. "But it's been such a beautiful day. It was hot out there on the beach earlier." He smiled, never taking his eyes from Beth facing away from him. She was wearing only his t-shirt, which barely covered her nakedness underneath.

Evan watched as Beth gazed out through the lace curtains covering the only windows of the beach hut. He noticed a small patch of red on one of the curtains, a remnant of the paint they had used to decorate the hut together at the beginning of the summer.

Beth turned back to Evan, a half-smile on her face, but her brow furrowed.

What is she worried about? Evan wondered. He checked the time: 3:30 PM. There was still an hour before they needed to leave.

"Come back to bed," Evan said, attempting to be alluring and pulling back the sheet.

Beth did so without talking, turning her back to Evan as he held her close, the small pull-out bed creaking slightly underneath them.

They lay there quietly for a while.

The hut was sparsely furnished, containing only a bed, a fridge, two chairs, a kettle, and two mugs; yet it had become his favourite place in the world. Evan held Beth close, wishing that every day could feel like this. He watched flecks of dust floating in a beam of sunlight that streamed through a gap in the curtains and felt a deep sense of contentment.

From a neighbouring hut, he heard the gentle strains of an old soul song playing. He assumed it was the sweet elderly couple a few doors down. A few months earlier, he and Beth had seen them waltzing together on another sunny Sunday. Evan wondered if he and Beth would become like them one day. This silent wish made him hold Beth tighter.

"Will we still come here when the summer ends?" Evan murmured gently into Beth's ear. There was no reply. Maybe she has fallen asleep, he thought.

He continued talking in a low voice. It didn't matter if Beth was asleep. He was talking partly for her but primarily for himself, to hear his thoughts out loud.

"You have become so important to me over this summer." Evan stroked her long blonde hair, feeling its silkiness against his fingertips. " I never thought we would end up here in bed after all those years. When we worked together as teenagers, I often thought about kissing you. But you had your boyfriend, Tom, so I never acted on it. Discovering that you had the same thoughts blew my mind."

Evan was beaming with happiness at finally speaking his mind fully, though he felt nervous about what he was building towards. He had practiced the conversation repeatedly during his drive over earlier in the day, and he tentatively continued. "And now, ten years later, here we are together, and Beth, I think that I'm falling..."

"Don't say it," Beth snapped, her voice tinged with fear. The tone of her words made Evan sit up straight immediately.

There was silence in the beach house for a moment.

Evan leaned over Beth, wanting to see her face. She was awake, with tears in her eyes, but she avoided eye contact, staring straight ahead.

Evan climbed out of bed and discovered his underwear and shorts crumpled in a ball on the floor. He put them on quietly, feeling exposed. He then pulled a painted wooden chair over to the edge of the bed and sat down just as Beth broke the silence.

"This was never meant to get serious, Evan. We both agreed that."

Beth had been different all afternoon. As she spoke, Evan recognised that there was a sadness in her that he hadn't seen before.

"I know, but I thought things had changed; I always hoped that..."

"You always wanted more, even though you said you didn't," Beth yelled.

"Do you mean that you don't feel the same? I won't believe that.” Evan was confused, he had never seen Beth angry with before. “I've seen how you look at me. I know you feel it too." Evan’s mind raced as he spoke, trying to remember what he had said or done that might have led to this moment.

"Someone is going to get hurt Evan."

"But I would never hurt you, Beth." He tried to reach his hand out to her face, but she drew away from him,

"Evan, there are more of us in this situation than just you and me. There are my children and there is Tom."

"The perfect husband." Evan spat the words and knew he sounded like a jealous teenager again. He breathed deeply and let his envy subside.

"Beth, I understood the situation from the start. I know you're married and can only spend limited time with me. Since I'm single, I'm happy to wait until you're ready for us to have a chance together. I thought this was what we both wanted," Evan pleaded. He wanted Beth to make eye contact with him so he could feel their usual connection, but she continued to evade his gaze.

"There's something else, Evan. Something I haven't told you." Beth took a deep breath before continuing. "I still sleep with Tom. I know I said I didn't before, but I lied. I'm sorry."

It was Evan's turn to stay quiet now. He had always presumed that Beth was still having sex with Tom, but the confirmation gave him a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Beth took off Evan's T-shirt and handed it to him. Then, she turned her back on Evan and dressed quickly. Fully clothed, Beth sat on the edge of the mattress and took Evan's hands in hers, and finally looked into his eyes.

"We can't keep doing this, Evan. I can't keep lying like this." There were no more tears in her eyes now, and she looked resolute. "I lie constantly to my husband, and I even have to lie to my children when we meet. I can't do that anymore."

Evan looked at Beth's hands cradling his. Maybe this was the last time he would feel their softness. He thought of how happy she usually looked to see him, apart from this afternoon. Today had been different somehow. She hadn't wanted to make love; instead, they had just held each other in the cool of the beach hut.

"Is that why you didn't see me last month?" Evan asked hesitantly. He wanted to know the truth now, although he feared it hurt him to discover it.

"Partly. six weeks ago, I found out I was pregnant. But Tom had a vasectomy five years ago after we had our second child."

Evan gasped. "So, we are having a baby?"

"We were."

The words hung in the air. Past tense.

"But not now?"

Beth shook her head. "I had a miscarriage. I sat on the bathroom floor on my own in tears, not able to tell anyone, my family, why I was upset, and why I haven’t wanted to see you until now." All anger was gone from her voice now, replaced with sorrow. "I knew then that you and me had to end."

"So why did you meet me today? Was it to say goodbye?"

Beth nodded. "And I wanted to tell you about the baby."

"I don't understand why you would tell me these things if you wanted it to end. It seems cruel."

"Because I need you to hate me, Evan. I need you to be stronger than me to stop this thing between us because I'm not sure I can."

"But I don't want this to be over," Evan spoke the words, but deep down, he felt himself emotionally detaching. Beth was right; she knew how to provoke his emotions and understood him better than he had imagined.

"Evan, these months have meant a lot to me as well, but this was always an artificial relationship. It was a fantasy that should have remained just that."

Evan put his arms around Beth as she sobbed; he swallowed hard to stop his own tears; they could come later.

"Everything is going to be okay, " he whispered. He didn't view it as a lie but as an act of kindness; he wanted to shield Beth from any additional guilt she already felt.

Evan waited for Beth to stop crying before he said, "I'm going to go now; I need some air." The beach hut suddenly felt claustrophobic.

As he opened the door to the beach hut, he quickly strode away. Beth called his name, but he did not answer or look back. He continued walking along the seafront to the pothole-ridden car park beyond the sea wall.

He noticed Beth's car parked next to his. He remembered their chance encounter nearby that had sparked their summer affair, and he struggled to hold back his tears.

As he started the car, he wondered whether he would eventually see this moment as a significant loss, or a bullet dodged. The intensity of the pain he felt was still too fresh for him to make that judgment just yet.

Looking up he noticed storm clouds looming overhead and saw the first spots of rain on his windscreen. Beth had been right, but then again, she always had been.